Heart Spaces


My little girl is 6 months old today!

It’s been an interesting journey into motherhood. One of the things everyone was telling me before Lilly was born is that you can’t really prepare yourself for being a mum. That you cannot possibly imagine what it’s like to have a small person to look after pretty much 24/7, certainly in the beginning.

And before you have a child, you have the luxury of revelling in the illusion that you will be different. That all the things other parents tell you will happen won’t happen to you. Enjoy that to the fullest. I did. You never get it back.

Sometimes I feel like I should be all grown up and responsible now but I don’t really feel all that different. Yes, I have to take Lilly’s needs into account in just about everything I do. No, I no longer can

  • go out at a moment’s notice or pop out for an evening out without some kind of advance notice and planning
  • fill my daytime hours with lots of me time
  • sleep whenever, and how long, I may want to
  • … and a host of other things I may have largely taken for granted before Lilly came along.

Not for now, anyway. So it sounds like there’s a whole lotta giving and not a lot of getting. Or that’s what it always sounded like to me when I listened to other mums before becoming one myself. And it’s kinda true. But that’s not the whole story.

Because what you do get in abundance is unadulterated love. The love that you feel and give to your child and the love you get back in return. The utter delight of having your baby smile at you and put his or her arms around your neck. The closeness when they snuggle in tight. Or fall asleep in your arms. The joy of watching them discover new things for the first time, when they feel ever so pleased with themselves and the world. And the simple fun of just being with this little person who has become such a big part of your life.

Everyone told me how much space a child takes up. In your house, in your relationship, in your life. I think people should talk more about the space a child takes up in your heart. And noone can prepare you for that either.

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