Category: General Musings

I’m roughly 30 days over the self-imposed deadline of decluttering 150 items by April 15th.

The good news is by that date, I had actually shifted 154 things. The other good news is that since then, I have kept going.

I may have become a bit addicted to the project. In some instances, it’s entirely possible I’ve been taking things just a tad too far:

Although the whole thing has gotten bigger than I originally intended, I have at times gotten frustrated with the amount of time invested in the project. Despite good intentions and motivating self-talk, clearing clutter is a whole load of hard work and no amount of doing the funky chicken is gonna change that.

BUT, as ever, the payoff is totally worth it! I actually feel there’s breathing space in my flat that hasn’t been there for years, and that’s despite the fact that there are nearly 100 more things to be axed.

As you will have noticed, I have meticulously (not to say, obsessively) kept track of everything. Yes, that’s partly OTT, but it has proven to be incredibly powerful in realising just how much stuff we acquire as if on auto-pilot.

To be fair, I am clearing out the clutter of YEARS but even so, it’s rather disconcerting to see how many nearly new things I possess where usage bears no justifiable relation to cost of acquisition. I trust going through the process of listing everything rather than simply stuffing it into bin bags will make me much more conscientious about the value I intend to get from future purchases.

Speaking of value, I confess the other thing I have been getting slightly obsessive about is converting my clutter into cash. Sure, about 2/3 went to the charity shop, but the rest has slowly but surely found its way onto eBay and, as of last night, raised enough funds to cover the flights for an upcoming family trip to attend a wedding in <thundering drumrolls>… HAWAII!!!

In this instance, my terrier tenacity (move over, Jack!) has paid off for an experience I am sure to remember for much longer than the thrill of a new handbag.

Ironically though, despite my self-proclaimed progress, a friend recently entered my living and, upon seeing piles of toys on the floor, exclaimed

Oh, so you’re not done yet!?

Well, no. I did, after all, decide to keep the child.

Images: chrisburpee.com, author's own

Or is it?

When I embarked on a six month sabbatical some years ago, I emailed my private address book with a reminder to use my personal rather than corporate details as a primary means of contact.

A ‘friend’ long out of touch promptly replied, inviting himself to my French home, and even suggesting what time worked best around his other commitments. I was dumbfounded as to how to respond. This was someone whom I’d quite frankly forgotten was still part of my contact database, but saying so outright seemed rather harsh, though honest.

A close friend consulted for advice offered a simple

Just don’t reply.

I hadn’t occurred to me that not answering was a viable option. I wanted to neither accept the self-issued invitation, nor renege with some half-hearted excuse. So following my friend’s suggestion, I did nothing.

I suppose this method of non-communication works in the same way that not making a decision is de facto making a decision to remain with the status quo. Admittedly, it felt odd not to react, but it produced the desired result.

What got me thinking is that recently, this route of no reply seems to be an increasingly popular option, and I am not quite sure what to make of it. Email invitations remain unanswered, lingering in people’s inboxes unresolved or worse, deleted without remorse. Text messages are ignored in a similar fashion.

Not that I am the innocent party in all this. My reply time is notoriously bad, and calls quite often go to voicemail because answering whilst juggling girl, dog and dinner doesn’t add much to the conversation.

But in a world of never-ending distraction and stimulation, are we becoming blasé towards a meaningful personal exchange? Dominated by social media, have we become more informed about where near strangers are holidaying, or what they’re having for dinner, than we are about what’s happening with our closest friends?

Rather like the saying that speech is silver but silence is golden, is speech becoming tarnished in favour of ominous anonymity?

Personally, I’m sitting on the fence on this whole thing. I mean, would I rather be served a lukewarm excuse for not participating in something I am organising, or take the radio silence for a polite no?

I guess I myself have gotten a lot more selective as to what goes in my social calendar. In my ‘working’ days I basically said yes almost by default, unless a previous commitment prevented it. These days I am prone to question whether what I want to do is worth the effort of organizing the internal or external childcare required. I ask myself whether it’s an activity I would truly enjoy rather than my RSVP being prompted by a vacancy in the diary.

As a general rule, evening activities are easier as long as Rob is at home for bedtime. This doesn’t rule out a girly afternoon tea or the like, but when it comes to daytime engagements, or those that require a start earlier than 7pm, I will strongly favour attending my writing group over say a matinee movie.

Anyway, I think a lot of times, we simply don’t answer invitations to events we have no intention of attending because there’s just so much information bombarding us electronically that things simply get filtered out without any bad intentions. Even so, I’m rather perturbed by the trend, even as I perpetuate it.

So is silence really golden?

I can at least vouch that in toddler terms, unless they’re sound asleep, it is anything but.

Images: bigticketsales.blogspot.com, someecards.com

That’s right – 108 items have been sent packing!!!

The seemingly hairy challenge of purging 150 things is now basically in the bag. The scary thing is, I still haven’t progressed out of the one corner of the living room I vowed to tackle. How on Earth could so much stuff be hiding in 5m²???

I hurt my back last week and was feeling a bit on the sorry side. In typical fashion, I launched myself into each day at full speed, only to collapse on the couch by early afternoon. My mood wasn’t exactly lifted by the continued sight of a messy desk, and I have to admit to beating myself up a bit for not progressing as planned. Nevertheless, I decided to let the project go for a few days as putting undue pressure on myself only served to make me feel worse.

Taking a break also gave me time to think about how to avoid the inevitable ‘recluttering’. One of the reasons my desk is always piled high is that I have neither system nor desire for dealing with paperwork. Therefore it all gets deposited in the vainglorious hope that one magic day it will take care of itself. (haha, who am I kidding?!)

So I started by setting myself up a sweet little file for collecting those stray papers, with one tab for ‘action’ and one for ‘file’, ever hopeful that these actions would actually be performed rather than simply creating an orderly way to stash paperwork out of sight, out of mind.

But the problem is that I don’t file. So what I really needed was a creative and compelling reason not to let papers congregate into mountains.

In a stroke of genius, I decided to make my filing system my vision board. I had been dragging my feet about doing a new one for 2013 – in hindsight with good reason!

First, I set myself up with the base ingredients, including an audience (optional) and refreshments (optional, but highly recommended):

A few quality hours on the floor later,  meet the finished product:

I love this file so much, I wanna hug and take it to bed with me!

Funnily enough, with a creative element thrown into the mix, my decluttering efforts regained momentum.

First stop – clean desk:

BEFOREAFTER   

Second stop – bagging the bags:

BEFORE         AFTER

I thought this area would be pretty hard as I love (used to love?) my handbags, and I had some pretty sweet brands hidden in there. But then I remembered my money mentor saying that

The things you don’t use have no value, no matter how much you once paid for them.

Incidentally, this downgraded most of my beloved bags from invaluable to valueless, and they were duly put up for adoption at the local dress agency/consignment shop. After all, you don’t really need a Mulberry or Gucci adorning your arm on the playground. Well, you might do in Hampstead Heath, but in my humble part of London, I can still pull off ‘yummy’ without a Hindmarch to accessorize my Hunters.

Technically, this concluded last week’s goals but seeing that I had diddled, I went straight into the next challenge – clearing a closet full of dresses, skirts, suits and coats that had escaped previous culling stints. I dutifully dragged its contents to the bed before both two and four-legged life reclaimed my attention so on the bed they remained – for two days and two nights. The bedroom is home to our only full length mirror, so trying anything on ‘after hours’ (aka Lilly’s bedtime) was out. Equally, I couldn’t face shifting the pile back onto the sofa to have it stare me down all evening. Instead I shifted myself to sleeping on Rob’s side of the bed.

The man’s impending return propelled me back into action; aided by a bit of soulful Norah Jones, a cup of tea, a sneaky chocolate biscuit (mercifully undetected by my hawk-eyed attaché) and another guiding mantra by the lovely Sarah Phipp, who coincidentally inspired this project:

Only put in your wardrobe what is worthy of you.

Well, according to this, my wardrobe may have shrunk in size, whilst considerable going up in value.

This now leaves to me shift discarded clothes, and tackle the rest of the living room.

Although with all this newly created breathing space, where oh where is that poor Easter bunny going to hide his eggs?

Happy Easter everyone!

Images: pedestriantype.blogspot.com, author's own

Ok, so we’re a few days into this decluttering challenge – have you started yet?

Do you even know where to start?

Unless you have a looming deadline (like a move, or a collective challenge!), getting started can often be the hardest thing. Why?

Well, for starters, you can pretty much guarantee that things will get worse before they get better. The very nature of decluttering will have you dragging things out from musty corners, from the back of closets, from underneath sofas, or wherever it is that you stash away what you don’t really need. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Maybe. But just like unwanted emotions or past traumas that we compartmentalize in our psyche, the stagnant energy attached to unwanted or superfluous things continues to loom in our space whether we see it or not. To quote Ann Wilson, The Wealth Chef:

I really believe there is some strange quantum physics thing that happens in cupboards, lofts, garages, wendy houses, garden sheds and bascially all those places where stuff gets stuffed. Stuff in these spaces and places breeds and as it does, it causes a negative vaccumn in our lives, not just sucking our money quicker and quicker into a black hole but our energy and vitality too.

So yes, in the process of unearthing your hidden ‘treasures’, you might create more mess than you signed up for, initially making you feel worse than before you even started.

If that’s the case for you, STOP. BREATHE. RELAX… and trust that it will be worth it in the end.

One of the best things a mentor told me about avoiding overwhelm is to start with just one space at a time: one specific cupboard, closet, or even drawer. One corner of one room. Start with a small space, and you’ll quickly see progress whilst avoiding turning your entire house into a tip and becoming despondent with the project.

Keep it fun by putting on some funky music (Black Eyed Peas, anyone?), get your groove on, and stay hydrated. Shifting your body as opposed to getting cramps crouched on the floor will help you shift and sift your belongings. Lilly is just learning to rock it out to Sleeping Bunnies – perfect time to widen her repertoire! (sorry, insider parent joke)

Also remember that our goal is about 5 things a day (or whatever target you have set for yourself). Keep it simple, focus on the end result, and celebrate your successes, no matter how small.

On my end, I was quickly able to shift a dozen items of clothing and a pair of boots to the charity shop. These were items that I had previously slated for disposal, but never actually gotten rid of. A job half done, basically.

As for my next move, I have set my sights on my desk, aka my residential dumping ground, and the top of a closet, home to my collection of handbags.

So far today, I’ve succumbed to the avoidance bug, mainly getting distracted changing sheets, doing laundry and other thieving little things.

I am confident I am not contagious across the ether though, so don’t let yourself get infected, share your successes… and watch this space for progress!

PS: I also have five items listed on eBay but the auctions are still live so not counting them just yet!

Images: elca.org, author's own

As I mentioned before, I am on a perpetual decluttering mission. But I feel as though I am being tasked to take things to a new level.

The message to shift stuff that is no longer of use to me is coming at me from all angles. And for good reason, as the things we hoard are both a physical space drainer as well as a metaphor for everything we hold on to that no longer serves us.

My latest reminder on the subject came via a Facebook post from this excellent site:

HEALTH TIP:

If like me the thought of doing a spring cleanse and detox just doesn’t feel right with the cold weather then there is another way…

If you want to regain some lost energy, removing broken, unused and unwanted items from your home and work area is just what you need, even if it’s just sifting through that mound of paperwork or admin. For each and every item that is brought into your home, there is some type of energy attached to it. Start de-cluttering and thinking more carefully about items you choose to have in your home.

Why not try committing to getting 100 items out of your house in the next month or so. It sounds a lot but I promise you, once you get started it will be so cleansing.

In addition to this making complete sense, I am always up for a challenge, so I am upping the ante to getting rid of 150 things between now and April 15.

Yes, 150 is a lot, basically 5 things a day, but I am kind of excited. I already have some thoughts on what will be moving out over the next 30 days, but more on that later.

Images: dailyteacher.wordpress.com
        agourahillsmom.com

When I entered into motherhood nearly eleven years ago I never expected to be so guilt ridden most of the time. I think it is fair to say that women in general carry a heavier load when it comes to feeling guilty about all sorts of things but becoming a mother has definitely turned the volume up.

Things that I feel guilty about now, but never did before I had children:

• Eating the last bit of …. anything
• Going out in the evening and missing part of the children’s night time routine
• Spending any time away from the children pursuing my own interests
• Going food shopping with the children, and going food shopping without the children
• Cooking a meal that I like and the children don’t
• Having a lie-in
• Spending money on myself
• Allowing the children sweets, crisps and fishfingers
• Knitting or crocheting in the evening instead of folding washing
• Leaving the housework and spending time with the children or leaving the children to themselves and doing the housework

It is difficult to call the changes in my life ‘sacrifices’ when most of the time my choices were made out of love and an innate instinct of being a mother. I do know, however, that it has been much easier for me to let go of something for myself than consciously claim something at the apparent cost of my family.

My life after children has changed so much that for years I did not remember or know who I was beyond being a mother. The routine that was established in our house – which by the way has been life and sanity saving whilst trying to physically cope with four young children – goes mostly against my natural preferences.

Just to mention a few examples:

• I like to take the day as it comes … try it with children and disaster is guaranteed

• If I have a ‘low’ day I would take things easy, read, sleep and just have a little time to reflect and re-generate from within … try this with children and your home is turned upside down.

• I like holidays where solitude is imperative: reading, exercise, nice meals out, sunshine, peace and quiet … try this with young children and you find out what it means to have an anti-holiday-hell!

• I like peace and quiet but in trying to get it, I shout at the children!

So having changed my/our lives completely round to make sure that our children have a loving home, routine, rhythm and a feeling of security I have to admit (with a huge amount of guilt) that I feel utterly trapped at times.

And yes, I too tried to get back into my old job when my first two children were of toddler age and we had the ‘live-in-nanny’ look after them. Unfortunately I could never quite rid myself of the guilt then either: at work I felt guilty because I felt I needed to be at home, and at home I felt guilty because I felt I needed to be at work. Peer pressure from any camp (those who advocate for mums to be at home versus those who advocate for mums to return back to work) was utterly unhelpful and confused me more and more in knowing what I need to/have to/should do to serve my family… and, ah yes – here it comes – to serve MYSELF well.

I don’t have the magic answer but I have found a way to address every situation where I feel torn in a calm and considered way. I simply ask and check with myself:

‘Whose needs are greater?’

And yes, of course I am biased, as I am the judge of it, but I also trust that I know my children and myself.

It also helps to be conscious that there might be a conflict of interest, which in itself can help to move things on. I don’t feel I am the slave of my guilt when I take a moment to check internally that what I am/we are about to do is serving the need of those whose need is greater in that particular context. I can make a conscious decision, and work with the possible consequences.

I don’t think I will ever be guilt free (show me any woman who is!) and I don’t claim that I always get it right (come on, we need to keep our psychotherapists in work). I know when I have gone wrong ‘things just don’t feel right’ despite what the rest of the world might think. I believe that every situation warrants individuality and every family makes their own choices. However I hope that they can make them by trusting their instincts and intuition rather than following peer pressure, a sense of guilt or what other people might think of them.

I am sharing this in the hope that those who suffer like me from guilt may find a way to make choices that leave you feeling good.

Just remember we are all trying our best and maybe I am not the perfect mother but maybe trying to be a ‘good mother’ is enough?!

Steffi Stern lives with five chickens, four children, three dogs, two cats, one husband, and still finds time to run the Mother Goose shop in Nailsworth, Gloucestershire. She can be contacted at steffi@mothergooseonline.co.uk.

This article was originally published in the May/Jun 2012 edition of Goose Life.

Image: flickr.com

I am on a decluttering mission. Again.

The undeniable benefit of moving at regular intervals is that you have a built-in excuse to assess your belongings. Quite uncharacteristically, I have now been in the same place for six years. Over time, stuff inevitably builds up.

It seems that in the last 18 months, however, I am permanently shifting, rearranging and disposing of things.

Like most expectant moms, I went through a late-pregnancy nesting phase. My house had never been so clean.

In the absence of a nursery, this was accompanied by the prerequisite furniture shuffle to accommodate Lilly’s gear. It never ceases to amaze me just how much more will fit into our one bedroom flat. Maybe if I keep adding stuff, it will just continue to magically expand – like in a fairy tale or something?

But I seriously thought this whole ‘nesting’ thing was meant to be over and done with once your child is born. Yet I am forever reconfiguring and getting rid of bits ever since Lilly came along. That’s not a bad thing.

The problem with decluttering is of course that it doesn’t last. Much like cleaning or doing laundry, it’s not a permanent achievement. And if you leave it long enough, like I do, then the process actually is a whole load of work. But I still haven’t figured out how to do it ‘regularly’.

Because let’s face it, I actually don’t feel the need to declutter until things get pretty out of control. I am reasonably comfortable with a certain amount of disorder. Basically anything that involves detail and repetitiveness isn’t my thing. I suck at admin. Until two days ago, I hadn’t done any filing in three years. You think I am kidding but rest assured, I am not.

For better or worse, however, the point of no return comes around more frequently these days, mainly due to Lilly’s ever-changing needs.

The move from co-sleeper to cot for example meant that half our bedroom needed to be rearranged. Up until now, her growing toy collection slotted reasonably well under my desk – until Santa brought a table and chairs, that is.

So my latest domestic re-org was prompted by the growing threat of said toy collection. That combined with the fact that I could no longer see my desk for all the paper piles. Too much clutter and I feel like I can’t think, much less work and be productive.

Besides, it’s the start of a new year, which seems as good a time as any to ‘start’ over.

Sadly, as confirmed by Jill Pollack, ‘there is no such thing as a declutter fairy, who works while you sleep’. So one (painful!) trip to Ikea later, I now have toys stored in boxes, a clean desk, and paperwork in folders. I’m a long way off from ever living in a pristine place like this…

…but at least I feel like I am breathe and think again.

There’s a lot more to be done, but I feel I am off to a good start.

I’d love to think I can keep it up… but just in case, I’d better get a date into my 2016 diary for my next filing session.

Images: savvybrown.com, bodyenlightenment.me
        straighten-up-now.com, jillpollack.wordpress.com